He called me the other night, driving somewhere in western Pennsylvania, asking me a question about theology and people. But the real questions come out later in the conversation: we are fleshing out faith, like Jesus did coming to earth in swaddling clothes and calloused carpenter hands. We are putting theology in action, asking what it means first, but living it then, on purpose.

Today the heaviness wrings out, it is time to live the truths we talk about, to survive the things we say.

We are asking a collective question: where are you? Because though our theology is just Christ cloaked, mostly we need Christ alone, the body, the flesh. Him alone.

It is easy to stand on this side of the resurrection and know with certainty that the good guys win and us with them. How did the disciples not doubt? I think of Thomas today. I think one who doubts at all must be one of deep loyalty; what is there to doubt if there is nothing to be sure of? It is easy to stand on this side of certainty and know that all our doubts are silenced, that we stick our hands in the side of Christ, that we have moments of realization, of how could we be so foolish? of deep joy, knowing that it wasn't in vain, it wasn't for nothing and it won't be either.

But today, on the front side of pain, it is hard.