I am Oliver Twist and porridge, Paris Hilton and Gucci, Judas and 29 silver coins. I am Philip, the disciple who pleaded that just one more would be enough.

"Lord, just show us the Father and it will be enough for us."

He speaks for all of the disciples, all of us. We who are not satisfied with a God in Heaven, and less satisfied with His embodiment on earth. Our void is bigger than a God-shaped hole and less satiated than more than enough.

But what is more surprising (Because who are we kidding? Wouldn't we have asked the same? Don't we every day?) is the Rabbi's response. Not because it isn't true, but because it is ludicrous. They're the words of a madman, ridden with multiple personalities and narcissism:

"Do you not believe that I am in the Father and that the Father is in Me?"

Whatever you ask, if it's in His name, He'll do it, He says.

So Lord, in Your name, I'm asking: just show me the Father. It will be enough. I won't waste the evidence of all that you've done, the testimonies and miracles. I won't feast on the manna, provision for today. I won't lay in my tears and my doubts, and I won't ask again, I promise.

Just one more thing will be enough.

Jesus gave credence to Philip's question, to Thomas's doubts, to Peter's wavering faith, though, He continued the dialogue. He answered ludicrous questions with ludicrous answers--so that they would keep asking. So that faith would still exercise. So that doubts would be quelled, but never fully satisfied. So that we would always need more. So that we would appreciate mystery and awe.

Oliver got his porridge and Hilton will die with her designers. Judas found that 30 pieces wasn't enough to keep his life and lost it too. I am finding that I cannot be satisfied, but that I can trust that He is Who He says He is.

"here is a mystery
a person." denise levertov